Inkerman Writers - Sheila Harris

A child struggles to come to term with one of life’s biggest issues…

The Greatest Escape

“Women!” Ben heard his Grandad’s voice sigh. He didn’t want to open his eyes just yet. He felt warm and comfy in his buggy. He knew that if he moved his legs or arms they would peel apart with a reluctant stickiness and he wanted to stay in his little cocoon a while longer.

“Aye, they always know what’s best for us don’t they?” now it was Charlie speaking. Ben knew Charlie’s voice. It always sounded as though he had a tickle in his throat. Whenever he heard Charlie speak, Ben felt the urge to shout “Cough!” so that it would clear, but he never did, and it never did.

“Says I need a full check up – I ask you. I’m as fit as a lop, me. Just because I get a bit out of breath now and again. I mean what does she expect at my age. But she won ’t be put off. Maybe I’ll see the quack next week. It’d be worth it just to stop her nagging.”

Grandad was pushing the buggy backwards and forwards. Ben opened his eyes very slightly. He could see Charlie ’s trainers and bright orange socks. Ben thought Charlie was a funny old man. He had long white hair and usually wore tee shirts and jeans, but today he had on a pair of faded denim shorts, all raggy round the bottom. Ben ’s Mam called him the oldest swinger, but Ben didn’t know why. He’d never seen Charlie on a swing.

“Do you want me to stay here with the little lad while you pop in the betting shop? ”

“Best not. Don’t want to upset her anymore. I’ll come back later when they’ve gone home.”

“Well, I’ll probably see you later, Jim.”

“Aye, so long, Charlie.”

Grandad had moved round to the side of the buggy. Ben could see his old battered sandals and his sheep socks. These were Grandad ’s favourites. They were green, like a field, with lots of white sheep, and only one black sheep on each sock. Ben ’s Mam had bought them for Grandad when they were on holiday, and he liked them so much that he wore them all the time. Mam was always telling him to change them, but Grandad said she should be grateful that he liked her present. She said she was, but she was worried that they would walk about on their own when he took them off at night. Ben really liked the sound of that. He had some socks that played “Happy Birthday” when you pressed them, but walking socks – that was something else!

Ben stretched. Now he had Grandad to himself. “Now then Buster! Did you have a good nap?” Grandad always called him Buster. Mam said it sounded rough, but Grandad took no notice. Ben didn ’t mind. He was going to be a tough guy when he grew up. He yawned and fully opened his eyes. They were at the shopping precinct near Grandad ’s house. Grandad was leaning over him smiling. “Shall we go in the paper shop?” Ben liked the paper shop. They sold sweets and chocolate. Grandad held up Jelly Tots, Chocolate Buttons and a Curly Wurly. Ben fancied something chocolaty, but didn ’t feel much like grappling with a Curly Wurly.

“Buttons please, Grandad.”

Grandad was talking to the lady in the shop. She saw the badges on Ben’s tee shirt. “Is it your birthday?”

“No, it was last week, but he still likes to wear his badges.” Grandad answered for him.

“Well, I’m not surprised. Three! You are a big boy!” She turned back to Grandad. “You’ll soon be taking him to the pub, Jim”

“Maybe he’ll take me. Will you push me there in my wheelchair when I’m an old man, eh Buster?”

“He’s an old man now.” Thought Ben. Grandad and the lady were laughing. Maybe it was a joke.

“I’ll just get a Caramel bar for your Mam. That’s her favourite” Grandad always remembered to get something for Ben’s Mam.

“Grandad, can I walk back? I’m a big boy now.”

“O.K. then. We’ll see how you do.”

Grandad undid the harness and lifted Ben out. Ben held Grandad’s big strong hand and Grandad pushed the buggy with the other hand, but he couldn ’t steer properly with one hand, so Ben had to hold the side of the buggy while Grandad pushed it. But then Ben couldn ’t hold his packet of Buttons and pick them out one at a time to eat them while he was holding the buggy, so Grandad said that they could sit on the bench near the phone box until Ben had finished. It was a hot day and the Buttons were melting. Ben had to eat them quickly. Soon his face and hands were sticky and brown. Grandad got a crumpled hankie from his pocket and tried to wipe away the mess, but he didn ’t make a very good job of it.

They set off again climbing up the road. Most of the houses had low brick walls surrounding small front gardens. They had barred iron gates and Ben usually liked to look through the gates to find his favourite gardens, like the one with the little pond and waterfall and the one with the windmill. But not today. It was hard work climbing the hill and besides, he had some questions he wanted to ask Grandad.

“Grandad?”

“Ye-es?”

“What do they sell in a betting shop?”

“Well that’s a good one, Buster. Escape, I suppose.”

“What’s a scape?"

“Well, when you get a bit older you’ll realise that it’s something men want and women don’t want them to have.”

So that’s why Grandad didn’t want Mam to know. Ben was still a bit puzzled, but it sounded far too complicated to pursue. “Grandad, why haven’t you got a Grandma?”

“You mean your Grandma. Well she died before you were born. She’s in heaven now?”

“Where’s heaven?”

“It’s up in the sky.”

“Is it nice?”

“I’m sure it’s lovely when you get there.”

“When will you go to heaven?”

“Not for a long time yet, I hope. You and me, we’ve got lots of things to do together yet.”

“What things?”

“Well, when you’re a bit bigger, I’ll take you in my little dinghy out into the bay. Turn you into a sailor like your Grandad. ”

Grandad lifted Ben onto one of the low garden walls. They looked backward and in the distance could see the little brightly coloured sailing yachts and dinghies bobbing about in the sheltered harbour, and further out to sea, close to the horizon, a large cargo ship was heading for the neighbouring port. The sun ’s reflection shimmered brightly on the calm sea. Ben blinked and rubbed his eyes.

“Tell me about when you were on the big ship, Grandad.”

“Not today Buster. We’re nearly home.”

They were both puffing and panting as they reached the top of the hill. Before they turned the corner into Grandad ’s street, Ben decided he had had enough of walking and asked Grandad if he could get back into the buggy. Grandad fastened him in and then sat on a garden wall for a couple of minutes just to catch his breath. When they got back to his house he was much better.

Mam was in a bit of a rush to get home. She’d done some of Grandad’s ironing. Grandad said there was no need, but she said she was getting worried that someone might offer him a bed at the Sally Army Hostel if he didn ’t smarten himself up. Grandad looked at Ben and rolled his eyes. Mam said she would pick him up at half past eleven tomorrow.

“O.K. pet. Here’s something to have with your cuppa when you get home.” He gave her the Caramel bar.

“Thanks, Dad.” She said softly and gave him a kiss on his cheek. Grandad picked Ben up and gave him a kiss. His chin was all bristly.

“That tickles,” giggled Ben.

“It’s like a piece of sandpaper,” said Mam.

Grandad came to the garden gate. Mam strapped Ben into his car seat. As they drove away, he turned his head and stretched to wave to Grandad for as long as he could see him.

Jim waved until the car disappeared from sight, walked into the house and shut the door.

Ben woke up. He didn’t understand what had happened yesterday. He hoped Jodie wasn’t right. Mam had gone out to get Grandad, and he’d stayed with Dad. They were watching a Postman Pat video when the phone rang. Dad came back into the room and he seemed to be in a bit of a flap. He switched the video off. Ben wasn ’t very pleased. It hadn’t even finished. He put Ben’s shoes on for him, and took him round to Auntie Karen’s house. He hardly spoke to him, only to tell him to hurry up. When they got there Dad was whispering to Auntie Karen and Uncle Dave, but Ben couldn ’t hear what they were saying. Dad didn’t even say “Bye, bye.” He just rushed off. He had to put up with Jodie bossing him around all day, and her toys weren ’t much cop either – dolls and ponies and stuff like that. Jodie said that she’d heard her Mam tell her Dad that Ben’s Mam and Dad were at the hospital. She said that meant that Ben would be getting a baby brother of sister soon, because that ’s what happened when she got Jordan.

“Where would he sleep? Not with me I hope. Please don’t let it be a girl.” Ben looked round his room. He was sure he had gone to sleep last night at Jodie’s house. Mam and Dad hadn’t come back all day. He wanted to go to their room, but was worried that he might find a baby tucked into a frilly pink crib next to their bed. Still, he couldn ’t hear any crying, so maybe Jodie was wrong. Please let Jodie be wrong.

Suddenly he heard soft familiar footsteps outside his room. Mam came in. She looked tired and could barely manage a smile.

“Hello Ben” she said. She sat on the bed, took him onto her knee, and gave him a big tight cuddle. Then she released her grip and looked straight into his eyes.

“Ben, I want to be a big brave boy today.”

“Oh, no,” he thought “it sounds serious – it must be a girl.”

“You know yesterday, when I went to collect Grandad” Ben had forgotten about Grandad in all the fuss. “Well, he wasn’t very well. He had to go into hospital.” Mam stopped.

“Well that’s a relief,” thought Ben “At least I’ll still have my bedroom to myself.”

“The thing is, Grandad was very poorly.” Mam’s voice went all funny. Ben was scared now. He didn’t want to hear any more. But she went on. “The angels took him. He’s gone to heaven.” Mam was crying and gulping now. She put her hand into her dressing gown pocket, pulled out a white tissue and dabbed her eyes.

“No!” Ben thought. “That couldn’t be right. Grandad said he wouldn’t be going to Heaven for ages yet. Grandad always told the truth. Mam had made a mistake. And why was she so upset. Grandad said it was lovely in heaven. Mam must have got it wrong. What had Grandad said? He tried to remember. Now he knew! Now he knew whey Mam was so upset. Grandad had gone for a scape! ”

“No he hasn’t.” He couldn’t stop himself from blurting it out. “He’s gone to the betting shop.

Mam stopped crying. Then she did a funny thing. She said, “Oh Ben, I wish he had.” And laughed! A little, sad sort of a laugh, but definitely a laugh. What was happening? Ben didn ’t understand this at all. Then, somewhere inside his head, he didn’t know quite where it came from; Ben suddenly heard his Grandad’s voice.

“Women, Buster, Women.”

Car Park

When I was a child there was a swimming pool here. I nearly drowned there once, or so it seemed.

When I learned to drive I would borrow my father’s Austin Allegro, and park among the empty spaces as dusk crept over the sea.

When we were virgins you would hold my hand as we watched ships grow small on the horizon. You would talk to me of your future adventures in Mexico, India and Peru. The sirens ’ song became a clamour that drowned out my whispers of love. Later the fluttering in my belly reminded me that you had not left me alone.

I park my car a few spaces along from yours. You raise your hand and walk toward me – us. From behind me comes a quiet voice – ‘Is that him Mummy?’

The Light Breakfast

Early morning I sit, and doze, and lounge

In my lounger, in my sun lounge

In the darkness.

And I feel the house vibrate

As my watchful wife

Arrives heavy footed, softly chiding,

Stirring me back to life

In the half-light.

I rub the sleep from my eyes as,

Known only to me, her voice smiles a smile

Beaming colour into my gloom

In this light fragile room.

And brings daylight.

Sausage, bacon, tomatoes, eggs sunny side up,

Tea exactly an inch from the top of the cup

On the table, on a tray.

Must be neatly arranged in the usual way

So I don’t need to see.

In my darkness.

Time Untied

You’re young and time is on your side,

There’ll always be another day,

Let nature’s rhythm be your guide.

You’re young and time is on your side.

When sickness, age and death preside

Remember those who used to say

“You’re young and time is on your side,

There’ll always be another day.”